Reminisce

I just realised something whilst doing my little trial thing. I miss the past, quite a lot. I miss the friendships, the laughter, the joy, the fights, the memories formed, the things I learnt, the former me. I just got home a little while ago and for some reason, I couldn't help but to feel sad. I don't care if I sound like a whiner (you know who I'm talking directly to over this), but I really do miss it all. There's some things I miss more then others of course. I miss some of my former friends. I miss a friend in particular who I doubt I would bother to count as one these days. She's changed too much, I've learnt to not rely on her in any way possible. For example, this is a typical scenario like many which only makes me want to not be friends with her as time passes.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah what's up?'

"So yesterday I just found something out about my-"

"oh my goshh hey!! hahahah oh my gosh kurt you know what etc"

"....T_T, nenniza."

"sorry what?"

"don't worry."

"nah what was it?"

"it doesn't matter."

See perfect example to me. Then again, that's life. Changes are inevitable, friendships are temporary 95% percent of the time even though some last slightly longer then others.

It's calming, and hurtful to look back and to see what has happened. To see events, that could contribute to how things are today. Where you went wrong, where you could've done right. When you did too much, when you didn't too much and everything else. I think though for me, that part that hurts the most about the past is seeing who left, and who's starting to leave. It's not that I'm particularly scared of being alone. I just need a few people excluding family with me and I'll feel fine. It's the fact that some of them are gone for the pathetic reasons, like a boy, whilst others are going for more reasonable reasons then that.

i can't control time, I never will be able to control time. In the mean time, just for the sake of it, and since I'm always curious to see a person's reaction when I do something. Let's see how long it takes a person to realise I'm not talking to her. The bet so far is not until her current relationship is over. Which by then, if that's the case, she can fuck herself.